Without a doubt, one of the hardest conversations we have with loved ones as they age revolves around whether or not they should continue to drive. It is one of the most dreaded topics because of the potential for confrontation and the many implications it holds regarding your loved one's independence.
Currently, there are no US states that impose an age limit on driving and Illinois is the only state that requires a behind-the-wheel driving test to renew a license past a certain age.
According to the AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety, "All states allow physicians to report a medically-at-risk driver, and those reports are generally kept confidential. Exceptions to confidentiality are sometimes made when reports are subpoenaed, admitted as evidence in review, or requested by the driver who was reported. Six states (California, Delaware, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon, and Pennsylvania) also have circumstances under which physicians are required to report a medically-at-risk driver."
This means that if you live in one of the other 44 states, you will have to get creative in the event your loved one should no longer sit behind the wheel. With that in mind, first things first. How do you know if they shouldn't drive? There are some things to look for, including:
Physical health: loss of feeling in legs, feet, or toes; trouble walking, joint stiffness, loss of feeling in hands, lack of coordination, dizziness, difficulty walking, loss of vision and/or hearing.
Mental health: confusion, inability to concentrate/remember, aggression, level of wakefulness/alert.
General driving: getting lost, unexplained damage to the car, inability to stay in lane, lack of signaling, easily distracted, difficulty using car features.
We strongly recommend creating a plan with your loved one BEFORE it becomes necessary to take their keys. The conversation will be easier if you have talked about it before. How will your loved one get around? Are there family and friends who can give them a ride to the supermarket, doctor's appointments, community and other events? Is there a safe public transit system they can use?
What do you do if you haven't created a plan together or your loved one doesn't agree it's time to stop driving? Thankfully, some options can make this a little easier on you so you're not the bad guy. Their physician is a good place to start. Often a conversation with their doctor is enough to convince them it's no longer safe to drive. Alternatively, an eye doctor can function in the same way. If their eyesight isn't good enough to be approved for driving, the ophthalmologist/optometrist can provide a report they can take to the DMV.
The DMV is a major ally for caregivers. They will investigate, at the urging of a caregiver with sufficient concern, whether or not someone should still be on the road. This investigation can include a vision test, written driving test, or even a road test with an instructor. Because there are no national standards on this topic, you will need to find state-specific information about reporting an unsafe driver on your state's DMV website.
This one is tough, but you can do it. Write down what you want to say or practice the conversation with someone. And if your loved one isn't at the point yet where you need to take the keys, create a plan with them to make it easier for all of you when the time comes.
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